A ‘practically unknown‘ cult band ‘the march afternoons’ have covered popular 1980’s hit, Cruel Summer, in a tired marketing ploy designed to bring them to the attention of indifferent music lovers…
reports Ged Babey, in an attempt to get work at The Daily Mash.
Mopey musical miserabilists the march afternoons – a band who refuse to use capital letters in their name as a protest against something or other – have released / dropped / unveiled a new single (two tracks that is kids) on their own label in a bid to crack the Summer Pop Market and compete with major label industry plants, nepo babies and The Last Dinner Ladies.
Their own song will only interest po-faced emo music nerds but the b-side is an 80’s classic that everyone over the age of 45 will remember, with some kind of rose-tinted affection: Cruel Summer (originally by UK girl group phenomenon Bananarama).
the march afternoons version of the already slightly downbeat pop song is said to plumb new depths of maudlin and self-pity whilst still keeping the catchiness and charm of the original. See what you think.
A special Samaritans helpline has been set up to support those who may have been affected by hearing this song.
A panel of whistling milkmen from a bygone era were asked their opinion and all but one gave it Nil points in typical Anglophobe Eurovision style.
Billboard named Bananarama’s Cruel Summer number 13 on their list of the “100 Greatest Girl Group Songs of All Time”.
When asked about the march afternoons cover version a spokesman said, “We are mid-way through compiling ‘100 Worst Cover Versions that Suck All The Joy Out of the Original’ but we can almost guarantee a very high placing for this.” Adding, “I’ve never known a song that actually sucks the oxygen out of the room where it’s being played quite as quickly, withering house-plants and killing flies, it’s quite an achievement perversely”.
the march afternoons have been featured before in Louder Than War twice before and really make no effort to help themselves by describing their music as ‘tired pop’ and English Melancholia. We did suggest getting some vitamin supplements and a bit of sunlight and exercise maybe but they just shook their heads and went back to reading a book of Russian poetry.
“Is this the Most Depressing Pop Group in Britain?” asked the Daily Fail previously in the best bit of press coverage the band received to date. Feedback concluded conclusively that they were, second only to Elbow.
“I don’t understand it…” wailed singer Mark, ‘Back in the day Leonard Cohen and Morrissey sold loads of records – and Nick Cave does alright, Why are they picking on me?”
Talking about Cruel Summer, and why he chose to reinterpret it, Mark Estall (really did) say: It is one of the greatest minor-key pop songs of the 1980’s (and therefore all time.) Plus I had a massive crush on Siobhan Fahey since I was like eight or something and still have a deep and lasting love of her.
The A-side of the single is called Desperate Measures and is (drops the Daily Mash-style piss-taking…) a sublime piece of soul-bearing Alt-Pop, complete with Velvets chug, Depeche Mode backing vocal, difficult time-changes, tra-la-la section and just such a great feel to it.
Is there a high-budget cinematic promo-video to go with it? No, don’t be foolish. There is an “anti-video” in what is fast becoming the march afternoons stylistic tradition…
Mark Estall and friends / collaborators (who are the march afternoons) are one of England’s Best Kept Secrets in terms of Underground/Truly Indie-pendent music is concerned. Deadly serious about their art, which is finely chiselled from their collected and deep-frozen tears… but with no time for marketing, promotion and networking, hence inspiring my approach with their wry, cynical and amusing ‘anti- press releases’.
If I’d simply told you that their Cruel Summer is a serious, subtle, sensitive, quite beautiful interpretation in a English Melancholy Art Pop style that recalls Blacks Wonderful Life you wouldn’t’ve taken any notice… would ya.
The bands first full length album ‘the march afternoons are not real’ comes out later in the cruel summer of 2024. I promise to review it properly.
Buy from Bandcamp
All words Ged Babey
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